A fun exercise I challenge parents to do on occasion is to ask their children ‘How am I doing as your mom/dad? What is one thing I am doing well and one thing I could work on?’ It takes a lot of courage to ask this question and sometimes even more self control to contain your reaction to the answers. Not only is it very powerful to hear your child's perception of you, but it also models a healthy willingness to grow. It teaches children that it’s OK to make mistakes and not be perfect but to always strive for improvement. This simple question builds trust, communication and your child’s self-esteem – they feel important and valued when you ask for their input.
So for Mother’s Day this year, Logan brought home from school a ‘Portrait of Mom’ and a card that read “Things I Know About my Mom” dictated by his teacher.
Oh boy.
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This should be interesting.
I was about to ingest a healthy dose of my own medicine and I wasn’t sure I was ready. Logan is my most particular child. He critiques his food, family outings, and his (and my) outfits, daily. He’s clear, and vocal, about what he likes. And doesn’t like.
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Let’s just say he’s a tad hard to please and impress.
With a gulp and my best ‘oh my gosh, I love it!’ smile pasted on my face, you can imagine my dread as I read aloud my personal bio as seen through my 6 year old’s eyes.
So here it is, verbatim with comments from me…
THINGS I KNOW ABOUT MY MOM
1. My Mom’s favorite food is …. Sushi.
Hmp. Alright. not bad. The kid is pretty spot on so far…
2. My mom’s favorite drink is…water.
This one got a audible, ‘pheww!’. Apparently he really DOESN’T notice the recycling bin full of empty wine bottles that have gotten me through the 4-5 p.m. witching-hour for the last 9 years. He must have been too busy swinging from the chandeliers to notice.
3. My mom is… 36.
By damn. I’m loving this kid. A friend said her son put ‘50’ for her.
4. My mom’s favorite color is… rainbow.
Beautiful. Obviously my complete hysteria when we’ve seen a rainbow has made an impression.
5. When I am at school my mom is… hangin’ out with my brothers.
Ok. So this one left me a little miffed at first. ‘Really. Is that ALL you think I do around here?’ But after some careful consideration, and a glass of water, I realized that his answer was so much better than ‘at home screaming at my brothers,’ ‘drinking herself into a unconscious state,’ or ‘buried under a pile of laundry.’
6. My mom wakes up at… 4:00 in the morning.
Um. ‘…only when you crawl in my bed in the middle of the night and kick and stab me with your elbows until the break of dawn.’
7. After I go to bed, my mom… works on her computer.
Shoot. This one hit me like a ton of bricks. He’s right. Is this really how I want him to remember me using my spare time? Wouldn’t I rather have him write ‘reads a good book, practices yoga… or makes mad, passionate love to my dad?’
Right. no.
The computer is fine.
8. My mom goes to bed at… 10:00 at night.
Pfff. Really kid. Only in my dreams.. or when I’ve drunk myself into that unconscious state thanks to you and your brothers… (kidding here. Please don’t write me nasty letters).
9. My mom is really good at… eating.
Eating. Huh. ‘I must be eating while hangin’ out with your brothers.'
Yep. Just a lot of eating and hangin’ out going on around here.
Throw me a bone kid.
10. My mom’s favorite restaurant is…the sushi place.
Ok. Bone thrown.
11. My mom likes to watch… the news.
Well, thank goodness he didn't say soap operas, Jershey Shore or the Real Housewives. The news makes me sound sophisticated and worldly. I’ll take it.
12. My mom likes to…play a game with us for fun.
Heart sufficiently melted. ‘Yes. I love to play a game with you and suddenly realize it’s what I need to do more of.’
13. My mom like to go to…Perkins.
‘Um. No. That’s you, my dear. Remember? I like sushi. (you must be very hungry…do they feed you there?)'
14. My mom’s favorite animal is… a toucan.
It is now. Logan said ‘it was the ONLY question he wasn’t sure about…’ and he thought a toucan was rainbow color.
AND THE LAST ONE…..DRUM ROLL PLEASE.
15. My mom loves… Me!
Dancing and jubilation commence!!
Who cares if he doesn't know where I like to go, what time I wake up or what I really like to imbibe.
He knows I love him.
and in the end, if I’ve made that clear.
if I’ve done that one thing.
that’s all that matters.
I passed.
Phew!
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Parents: As a fun family exercise make up questions similar to the above for everyone in the family to fill out about each other. You'll be surprised and perhaps comforted by how your family often knows you better than you know yourself. It's also a great way for everyone in the family to connect...and laugh!
Have fun!