Moms Talk is a weekly feature on all Lehigh Valley Patches in which local parents, caregivers and other members of the community are invited to share opinions and advice on parenting topics.
This week’s Moms Talk question relates to children and cell phones.
Growing up, the right of passage for me was that fateful day when I would be able to get a telephone in my ROOM. For my older son, apparently, it will be the day he gets to walk around with a telephone in his POCKET. He’s only in third grade, and he’s already asking about it.
I am pretty sure that the phone in my room came at age 13. Is that what I should tell him? Is a cell phone and an extension off your parent’s house phone really the same thing? I’m not sure…
So, here’s what I want to know:
What age do you think is the right one to give a child a cell phone? And, when that time comes, what kinds of parameters will you put in place to guide its use?
Our Moms Council members include:
- Lisa Amey of Upper Milford Township is a stay-at-home mother of two. A past president of the MOMS Club of Emmaus and longtime member of MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers), Lisa is an Independent Consultant for Arbonne International.
- Lisa Drew of Emmaus is a certified nutritionist and personal trainer, wellness and fitness coach with more than 17 years of experience. She is the mother of a 13-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy.
- Jennifer Elston of Emmaus has almost two decades of professional experience in child development and counseling. She is currently a stay-at-home mom to two beautiful girls. Together with her husband, Chris, she owns Christopher Elston Photography.
- Jeanne Lombardo of Nazareth is the mother of a 10-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. She’s new to the Lehigh Valley, having moved to Nazareth from Bergen County, NJ in January.
- Lisa Merk of Lower Macungie is a stay-at-home mother of four boys – a 12-year-old and 6-year-old triplets. Lisa is a past president of the MOMS Club of Lower Macungie East. In her “spare” time, Lisa teaches piano to school-age children.
- Zoila Bonilla Paul of Bethlehem is a stay-at-home mom to two girls – a 5-year-old and a 14-month-old. Zoila is a member of her local “moms’ club” and says she is “well-versed in the fun that children can bring.”
- Beth Sharpless of Emmaus works part time in a local emergency department as a nurse and part time from home as a customer support specialist. She has two children -- a boy who is almost 2 and a 5-year-old girl. She says they love spending time outdoors and dancing.
If you would like to become a part of the Moms Council and/or have ideas for future Moms Talk questions, please email jennifer.marangos@patch.com.
My oldest son got his first cell phone at the age of ten because there was a need. He was at an age where I felt comfortable letting him walk to the neighborhood park with friends. There are no payphones around and it did make me feel better that he could call if he needed something. It was also a convience for me. With three little ones still at home, I admit it was easier to call him to come home via the cell phone then to load up all the kids in the car, drive the minute to the park to ask him to come home. The cell did allow him a little bit of freedom. I felt confident in his maturity and surroundings that he could handle going to the park with a friend.
With four children in different activities, is not possible for me to to be in all places at once. It is a constant juggling act. When I felt my son was mature and responsible enough and I felt comfortable with the coaches, I had no problem letting him go to practice by himself. It was just another baby step towards independence. There also came a point where my son would prefer not to have me at practice. He enjoyed that little bit of independence. My son is now thirteen and goes to the go the movies or gets pizza with his friends. As mentioned before, there are very few payphones around, so cell phones are really a necessity. My husband and I constantly have conversations about using the cell responisbly. He happens to have a prepaid phone, which has worked out great for our family. I like knowing if he happens to loose it, we aren't out a lot of money. He recently upgraded his phone with his own money to a phone that has a full keyboard so he can text his friends. He is responsible for paying for any minutes if he should run out. So far that hasn't been an issue as he likes the idea of being able to text more than actaully texting. My other children, do not have a need for a phone yet. We will decide when the time is right based on each individual's child need, maturity and responsibility.
straight at me. I am not sure why you went on a tirade about leaving children at the soccer field for practice when the topic at hand was about what age is appropriate for your child to have a cell phone, but none the less I will address your comments as presented. 1. I have chaperoned field trips for 4th, 5th and 6th graders and any field trip I've been on the children were never allowed to have their cell phones as they were on a school related trip.
consider myself a good parent, so much so that I have full confidence in the fact that my children will act appropriately whether I am present or not. The know how to behave and I don't need to helicopter parent over them. As to performing the "dump and run" - Yes, I am dropping my son off at practice, but I am not dumping him, he knows what he is expected to do, he knows how to act. He knows how to contact me and so do the coaches. Why is there a presumption that I have not spoken with the coaches about this? If there is a problem with your childs team performing the "dump and run" the coach should address it at practice or send out an email- not here where no one can do anything about it. As for me, there is nothing I can do to benefit practice and chances are I am taking another child to another practice or lesson - no matter how hard many of us try we cannot spilt ourselves and cannot be in 2, 3 and sometimes 4 places at once. This does not make me a bad parent. My husband in the beginning of every season he has coached, has sent out an email to all parents giving them my phone number his phone number and any assistant coach stating that we all other children and other obliagations.
we are able to help you out we will do so. I think it is unrealalistic in todays day and age to expect a parent to be there at all times and if we can help each out, we should. Also, children need to start gaining some independence and should know how to act in public without a parent hovering over them at all times, otherwise when they do get a little freedom they will go crazy and that is when bad decisions are being made. 3. I never said that the cell phone was a babysitter, but the fact is my son is a babysitter. He gets paid to watch younger kids and is trusted to do so. As stated in my initial comment, he is a mature kid and has reacted quickly and better than most adults in some unfortunate situations that were presented to him. It made me feel better that he had a way to contact me if practice should end early. What safety issue I am trying to justify I am unsure of, but I will say this. If there is a safety issue at hand, someone should call 911. He would if the situation warranted it. 4. I did say about half of his friends had cell phones at the point he got his - but I NEVER said nor did it, have any barring on my decision to get him his. I was simply pointing out a fact.
children dying at the wheel as it has nothing to do with this question. BUT I will say this, because we cell phones, this topic comes up alot and we talk about it alot and I ALWAYS put my purse behind me with my cell phone in it and NEVER answer it or text while driving, NEVER. So he knows, by example and plenty of discussion, what is expected from him now. When the time comes for him to drive he will (and already does) know the rules when it come to cell phones. Being the mother of any child can be difficult even in the best of times, I don't know why as mothers we need to attack or pass judgement on one another. We should support one and other and be able to express our opinions without putting others down or challenge each others parenting. We make decision what we think is best for our family and what works for one family may not be the best for another, but is doesn't make it wrong.
Funny, huh? Peace...
Again you are pompous enough to pass judgment. My children: One sick enough to have missed half of 3rd grade, now old enough to enter the military to serve and protect our country. One who has played travel sports,entering into national competitions, traveling the country and always accompanied by a parent. Of our three, some have been involved in choruses, orchestras plays and musicals and high school sports. At least one and usually all family members have been present at all major events and most practices. We have had plenty of trials and tribulations along the way but we have managed to raise good kids....Kids who had cell phones. Cellphones: It is a personal decision. Stop disparaging people. You know what is best for your family. Stop pretending that your Degrees allows you to know what's best for mine. I think I am very accurate with my previous one-paragraph (Blink) assessment of you. I judged you based on your very insensitive and bragging tone. The way you speak to other parents - the way you think you know it all. You might have the BA and useless Law degree, but it sounds like you are not learning from the experiences of your years of trials. You are very arrogant and preachy. Tone down your attitude and lighten up. If not, you will probably end up driving away the people that you love. Wait till he is a teen!
I just read the post about your child. I truly apologize, for I read the last one first, then made dinner, then read the top, instead of reading top down. You clearly know what devastation childhood cancer brings to a family. No one can really understand unless they go through it. I was defensive with that other parent because it appeared they were passing a snap judgment on me for having only 1 child. I hope you are healing from your family's tremendous loss. I try to live by the motto that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I also believe that children choose us before they are born and I believe your oldest chose you because you have the unique qualities your child knew they'd need. Although my child survived, I am still in a healing process because I feel I got robbed of certain things other parents can take for granted, like giving a baby a bubble bath, which you know you can't do when they have a central port. My son now has A.D.H.D.; C.H.O.P. says it's from the chemotherapy in infancy; he has pervasive developmental delay and speech delay. I do the Saucon Valley Relay for Life each year and my son walks the survivor's lap and loves to give hugs and hope to the older folks waging their battles with cancer. I'm still not getting my son a cell phone, but the only judgment I'm passing on you here today is that God only gives us what we can handle and He clearly trusts you with some awesome responsibilities. I am truly humbled.