When I was younger, I used to sing a song: "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, make the fire, make the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping! And the sweeping and the shopping!"
That song was from the Disney classic, Cinderella, and I begrudgingly sang it as I undertook my daily chores. I was ten.
My mom, who stayed home full-time with my brother, sister and me, was a firm believer in training us early so we would make her job a little easier. At least, that's what I told myself. By the time I was twelve, I had some serious bathroom cleaning skills and could sort, wash and fold five loads of laundry with my eyes shut.
Now I'm a stay-at-home mom. Is it too demanding of me to expect my eight-year-old son to make his bed, help with the laundry, take out the recycling and unload the dishwasher every day? He's been feeding our dog, fish and rabbit for about a year, which seemed like a more satisfying task for a youngster. But I can't help but feel perplexed when I ask him to help with the dirty work around the house. Daunting feelings from my childhood creep back in. I'm confused about what is an appropriate level of responsibility for a child.
I know it's a critical element of rearing children: teaching them accountability, organizational skills and, generally, how to be a team player. But I also can't help but feel like it's my job as a mom to take care of these mundane household tasks myself. I want my children to enjoy their years of freedom and 'irresponsibility' while they can. I sometimes feel like I was robbed of that. However, I realize it's a fine line. It's also my job to mold them into functional, healthy, responsible adults. I turned out okay, so is it too much to ask? What to do?
As we prepare to enter 2011, my husband and I are contemplating a new set of chores for our boys as they, too, gain another year. We recognize that we've been somewhat lenient in our expectations up to this point.
We never have fully committed to enforcing a 'chore chart' or an allowance. For some reason, we assumed that all would fall into place, and our children would be perfect angels with the inherent knowledge that at first light they should fluff their pillows and make their beds with hospital corners. At this stage in the game, it's becoming clear that this is not going to happen.
Perhaps there's some secret technique to convince our kids that chores are great fun. An allowance seems like more of a bribe than anything else, but maybe that's the trick. We tried to avoid that route with the idea that contributing to our family home is not something that should be a paid position.
Somehow there has to be a happy medium to encourage our kids to pitch in and enjoy it. Maybe we can pay in spiced gumdrops. That's motivation enough for me!
Diane Krier
11:51 am on Monday, December 27, 2010
I totally agree on chores for youngters... I had them when I was young and my kids had them when they were as young as 10 but I am raising a granddaughter and She I began giving chores to at age 8 she was to make her bed ,clean her room once a week ,sort her wash andfeed pets..as she got older more where added but alot she ask to do herself today at 16 she does the above plus her own laudrey, the bathroom and sometimes she will do my whole upstairs plus cook dinner.... The younger they start I believe makes them enjoy them more as they grow ...She always loved the praises that were given for her job well done and that I think motivated her to want to do more...She has recieved allowence but that did not mean she was doing chores for money...she was told that chores were her contribution to the household in which all memebers do things...I am so thankful that I had started her out younger with chores then with my children as now that I am in my 60's with several health issues I am glad she was as that helps me even more.
Jenae Holtzhafer
1:48 pm on Monday, December 27, 2010
Thanks Diane! It was nice to hear your experience. I agree that making the bed, cleaning their room each week and helping sort the wash would be a great 'next step'. Those aren't necessarily dirty work (like scrubbing the bathrooms!) and will get them in the mode of weekly responsibility. Thanks for your input!
Patricia Ziegler-Boccadoro
3:04 pm on Monday, December 27, 2010
I agree. We started getting our little guy involved in 'chores' from an early age. When he was old enough to reach the buttons on the dishwasher he would 'do the dishes', as he got older he was expected to put dirty dishes in the sink and now that he's 5 he knows to put cutlery (all but knives) in the basket in the washer and that his plates go on the top shelf. He doesn't think of it as a chore but just 'what you do' and I hope that as he gets older he'll continue to just do it without a thought...I look forward to the day he can also unload everything and put things away. :) I've always let him 'help' me dust and such around the house so when he sees me getting out the supplies he's right there wanting to help. I'm not sure if he likes the cleaning, the fact that we're doing something together or that I turn the music up and we dance around while we get the work done (that's the only way I actually enjoy doing that stuff!) lol
Interesting point about an allowance being a bribe - we haven't discussed that yet in our household but I'm sure it will come up soon.
Sarah C
9:05 am on Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I keep wanting to give my kids more responsibility and teach them to clean up after themselves more, but it's tough! Life is so busy and in the short term it's just so much easier to do it myself! But it's that time for resolutions, right?
Jenae Holtzhafer
9:13 am on Tuesday, December 28, 2010
That's EXACTLY where I've been at!! Life's too short to keep nagging about unmade beds. But yes, with the new year, I'm feeling a resolution coming on! :)
A friend suggested putting a $ amount to a chore and letting the kids decide what they want to do (in addition to a few basic 'unpaid' chores that are required). Another friend suggested giving 'game time' for each chore ... say 10 minutes of Wii time for loading the dishwasher. It makes sense to use something that will motivate your youngsters and make them excited about helping. We'll see how it goes!
Lanya
10:41 am on Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I recently saw a new and different kind of motivating tool for getting the kids to do chores - even better than an allowance! Change your wireless network password every day, and post a list of all of the chores that need to be completed before the new password will be given out! A good motivator for older kids relying on an internet connection.
Lanya
10:36 am on Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I think chores are good for children to have to do...but as a firstborn who wound up doing most of the chores all of the time, I recommend making sure you spread the wealth around to all of your children equally as far as their skill levels can take it. I am now in my late 20's and out of the house...but I'll admit, I am a little peeved to know that my youngest brother, who is now 14, only does about 5% of the chores that I was expected to do when I was the same age. By the time I was 12 I was cleaning the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms and dusting the entire first floor once a week, I swept the kitchen floor and did the dishes every night, I hung and folded the clothes every time my mom did the wash, and usually there was a baby around so I had to change diapers or put someone to sleep. I'm glad now that I know how to manage household chores very well, but I do feel it was a lot for one kid when there were other younger ones who could have helped in their own ways. Even a 3 year old can hold a dust rag and learn to "clean".
Lanya
10:36 am on Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Also, I never got an allowance for doing my chores. It was just expected.